Watching someone you love struggle with chronic pain can be difficult, especially when you’re not sure how to help. Complicating this is the fact that chronic pain usually can’t be seen, making it hard to fully understand what our loved ones feel on a daily basis.
Chronic pain disrupts sleep and drains energy. Even simple tasks like shopping or walking the dog may require planning or extra recovery. This can leave a person feeling frustrated, depressed, or defeated.
You may not be able to take the pain away, but your understanding and support can make a big difference to a loved one with chronic pain.
Looking for ways to show you care? Dr. Blake Evans from Commonwealth Pain & Spine shares simple, practical ways you can show up for someone living with chronic pain.
Believe Them
Chronic pain is often invisible. Someone may appear fine while struggling inside. This can leave people feeling dismissed or misunderstood.
“Acknowledging that what they are experiencing is painful is probably the most important thing,” says Dr. Evans. “Pain can present in many ways. Just by starting by believing what they say is important.”
Simply believing what your loved one tells you about their pain matters more than you might think. Listen without judgment and avoid minimizing their experience or comparing it to your own aches and pains.
Just knowing that someone believes them can reduce emotional stress, which often worsens physical pain. Feeling understood helps ease a burden they carry every day.
Offer Practical Support
Chronic pain makes routine tasks exhausting. Some things, like driving, cleaning, or cooking, may require much more effort than they once did. Offering help relieves pressure and enables your loved one to save energy for work, family, or activities they enjoy.
“Simply offer to give them rides to doctors’ appointments or to the pharmacy to pick up medications,” says Dr. Evans, adding that small gestures like helping with errands, bringing over a meal, or just checking in to see how they’re feeling have a real impact.
They also serve as a reminder of something very important: they don’t have to do everything alone.
Practice Patience - and Flexibility
Chronic pain can come and go. “It’s often a journey from when pain begins to when relief arrives,” says Dr. Evans. Some days are easier, others much harder. Plans that seemed doable may suddenly feel overwhelming.
If your loved one cancels or changes plans, don’t take it personally. Be flexible. Reschedule or pick a lower-key activity that’s easier for them to manage.
Learn About What They’re Going Through
Learning about your loved one’s condition helps you understand what they face. Chronic pain conditions vary, and knowing the basics can help explain fatigue, limited mobility, or flare-ups.
You don’t need to become an expert but being curious and open can lead to better conversations. Asking what helps on difficult days or what tends to make things worse helps them guide you on how to best support them.
Support Their Treatment Journey
Managing chronic pain often involves a combination of medical treatments, therapy, lifestyle changes, and ongoing adjustments. Progress can be slow, and setbacks are common.
Encouragement during this process matters. Celebrating small “wins” and progress can help them stay motivated. Just as important is reminding them that setbacks don’t erase progress.
Sometimes, the greatest support is simply being willing to walk alongside them through both the good and difficult days. Often, what matters most isn’t solving the problem; it’s simply being there for the person you love.
